Conversations to have before the first school bell

Starting school is a huge milestone.

There are uniforms to buy, lunchboxes to label, first-day photos to take and, for parents emerging from the daycare years, perhaps just a little excitement at the thought of those daycare fees finally ending.

For separated parents, though, starting preschool or school can introduce an entirely new layer of co-parenting decisions.

Which school will your child attend? How does the catchment area work when there are two homes? Who will manage drop-offs and pick-ups? Will you need before or after-school care? What happens on changeover days? And what if one parent is northside and the other is southside, suddenly Canberra’s age-old rivalry has some very practical consequences!

These decisions can take time.

If your child is approaching preschool or school age, starting the conversation around 12-6 months ahead can give both parents time to research the options, understand enrolment requirements, work through the logistics and address any areas of disagreement well before that first school bell.

Start with the biggest question: which school?

For many families, the first conversation will be about where their child will go to school.

ACT public schools operate within Priority Enrolment Areas (PEAs). For Kindergarten to Year 12, children living within a school’s PEA are guaranteed a place at that school.

For separated families, however, school choice can require some additional thought when a child spends time across two households, particularly when those households are in different areas of Canberra.

There may also be other options to consider, including Catholic or independent schools, specialist programs or a particular school that parents believe is best suited to their child’s individual needs.

The question isn’t necessarily just “Which school is closest?”

Parents may want to consider the child’s needs, where they spend their time, siblings, existing friendships and community connections, each parent’s home and workplace, before and after-school care, transport and how the school choice will work practically for the family over the coming years.

Preschool deserves some forward planning too

Before the first year of formal school comes preschool, and for working and separated parents, this transition can bring its own logistical puzzle.

In the ACT, children who turn four on or before 30 April are entitled to 15 hours of free preschool each week at an ACT public school. Public preschool uses the national Early Years Learning Framework and focuses on play-based learning.

Fifteen hours, however, looks quite different to the long days many families have become accustomed to through daycare.

Depending on the preschool’s timetable, families may need to navigate shorter days or different combinations of days across the fortnight. For two working parents (particularly across two households) that can take some careful planning.

Who can manage collection when the preschool day finishes? Will additional care be needed? How does the timetable fit with each parent’s work? How will the preschool week interact with the child’s parenting arrangements?

There are alternatives worth investigating. Children may be able to continue attending an early childhood education and care service offering an appropriate preschool program, while some independent school and early-learning settings offer different hours or longer-day arrangements.

Don’t automatically rule options in or out based on assumptions about cost, either. It can be worthwhile comparing what your family is actually paying for long daycare with the fees and inclusions of private preschool options. Look beyond the headline price and consider the hours of care available, curriculum and educational approach, additional care requirements, subsidies where applicable, location and whether the preschool provides a pathway into a school you are considering for Kindergarten.

Preschool isn’t simply an educational decision. It can affect care arrangements, work schedules, household budgets, transport and the rhythm of the parenting week.

And just when you think you’ve finally mastered the daycare routine, it’s time to create a new one!

Then comes the school-day logistics

Daycare can offer families relatively long and flexible drop-off and collection windows.

School has a bell.

Suddenly there are fixed school hours, pupil-free days, assemblies, excursions, sports carnivals, before and after-school care, holiday programs and a seemingly endless stream of things that need to be remembered on a particular day.

For separated parents, it is worth talking through the everyday logistics before school begins.

Who can realistically manage morning drop-offs? Who will collect your child? Will grandparents or other carers be involved? Is before or after-school care required? Who will organise it? What happens when your child is sick?

And then there are the belongings.

Uniforms, hats, library bags, musical instruments, sports gear, permission slips and the school shoes that inevitably seem to be at the other house when you need them.

These might sound like small details now, but repeated several times a week, they can become sources of unnecessary frustration when there isn’t a system in place.

Consider what the school week looks like across two homes

A parenting arrangement that worked beautifully during the daycare years may feel quite different once a child starts school.

Travel time matters. So do early mornings, homework, extracurricular activities and children’s need for routine, downtime and sleep.

If parents live some distance apart, the practical impact of moving between households during the school week may become more noticeable.

This doesn’t automatically mean parenting arrangements need to change.

It does mean starting school can be a useful time to look at existing arrangements through a new lens:

What will our child’s everyday school experience actually look like?

Public, private or something in between?

Some parents have always assumed their child will attend a particular school. The other parent may have imagined something completely different.

One may prefer the local public school. The other may want Catholic or independent education. There may be differences of opinion about educational approaches, location, school community, family traditions, religious considerations or fees.

Where private schooling is being considered, the financial commitment is also an important part of the conversation.

These are significant decisions, and having the discussion well before enrolment deadlines gives parents an opportunity to research their options and consider what will work for their child and family rather than making a rushed decision.

Keep both parents connected with the school

Once the school or preschool has been chosen, think about how information will flow between households.

The ACT Education Directorate’s Family Law Policy states that, in the absence of a court order, generally either parent may enrol a child in an ACT public school and each parent is entitled to know where their child is enrolled. The policy also makes clear that schools are not the place to resolve disputes between parents; where parents cannot agree, those disputes may ultimately need to be resolved elsewhere.

Existing court orders and relevant family circumstances should be provided to the school where appropriate.

On a practical level, consider whether both parents will receive school communications and have access to relevant apps, calendars and reports.

Who receives excursion notices? Who books parent-teacher interviews? Who remembers library day? How will information about sporting events or assemblies be shared?

Children shouldn’t need to become the communication channel between two households.

Give your child space to simply be excited

Starting preschool or school can be exciting, daunting and emotional, sometimes all in the same morning.

While parents may be working through significant decisions behind the scenes, wherever possible, children should be protected from disagreement about their schooling.

They shouldn’t feel responsible for choosing a school, carrying messages between their parents or worrying that being excited about one parent’s involvement will upset the other.

Instead, let them enjoy the milestone.

Visit the school together if appropriate. Practise the school run. Talk about what their day might look like. Let them choose the lunchbox. Help them become familiar with their new routine.

And, of course, take the obligatory first-day photo in the oversized uniform.

Let the adult decisions remain with the adults.

12-6 months might sound early. It isn’t.

This year has crept up on us...and then Christmas and the summer holidays have a habit of arriving faster than anyone expects, and suddenly the new school year is only weeks away.

If your child will be starting preschool or school next year, beginning these conversations well in advance gives you time to investigate schools, attend information sessions, understand enrolment requirements, compare options, organise care and transport and work through how the school week will operate across two homes.

It also gives parents something particularly important when they don’t immediately agree: time to work through the disagreement.

Some decisions can be resolved over a conversation and a shared calendar.

Others aren’t so straightforward.

If you and your co-parent have different views about schooling, preschool, enrolment or how parenting arrangements will operate once your child starts school, seeking family law advice early can help you understand your options and work towards a solution before the school year begins.

Because your child’s first day should be about nervous smiles, new friends and that first photo at the front door, not a last-minute dispute about where they’re supposed to be.

At Parker Coles Curtis, we understand that starting preschool or school after separation can bring new questions about parental responsibility, schooling decisions and how existing parenting arrangements will work in practice.

If you are having difficulty reaching agreement about your child’s education or need guidance about how your parenting arrangements apply as your child enters this new stage, our family law team is here to help.

Starting the conversation early can make the transition easier for everyone, most importantly, your child.