Separation and divorce can be challenging for any family, but when neurodivergence is part of the equation, the need for understanding, patience, tailored advice and support becomes even more critical.

On World Autism Day, we acknowledge the importance of neurodivergent-affirming strategies to help children navigate these transitions in a way that respects their individual needs. At Parker Coles Curtis, we are a trauma-informed practice dedicated to ensuring that families, especially those with neurodivergent children, receive the support and care they need during this time.

Understanding neurodiversity in separated families

Neurodivergence, which includes autism, ADHD, and other cognitive differences, affects the way children process emotions, transitions, and changes in routine. When parents separate, neurodivergent children may experience heightened anxiety, difficulty adapting to new schedules, and emotional distress.

Neurodivergent-affirming strategies for supporting children through separation

Prioritise predictability and routine

• Changes in living arrangements and schedules can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children. Establishing clear, consistent routines and providing visual schedules can help them feel more secure.
• Use tools like visual calendars, countdowns, and structured plans to help them understand upcoming transitions.

Communicate clearly and gently

• Avoid sudden surprises or last-minute changes. When discussing separation, use simple, clear, and direct language that aligns with your child's processing abilities.
• Social stories, role-playing, and using their preferred mode of communication (visual aids, written plans, or step-by-step explanations) can provide clarity and reassurance.

Create safe spaces in both homes

• Ensure both homes have a designated "safe space" where the child can self-regulate and decompress.
• Familiar items, sensory tools, and comfort objects can help make transitions between households smoother.

Encourage emotional expression in their own way

• Neurodivergent children may express emotions differently—whether through movement, stimming, scripting, or creative outlets. Encourage and validate their preferred coping mechanisms.
• Consider therapy options that are neurodivergent-affirming, such as play therapy, occupational therapy, or art-based support.

Minimise conflict and promote co-parenting harmony

• High-conflict environments can be particularly distressing for neurodivergent children, leading to shutdowns, meltdowns, or increased anxiety.
• Implement co-parenting strategies that prioritise the child's needs, such as parallel parenting structures if direct co-parenting is challenging.

Collaborate with their support network

• Engage with their educators, therapists, and support workers to ensure continuity in care and understanding.
• Maintain school routines and keep communication open with teachers about any changes in the home environment that might affect the child’s learning and well-being.

Respect their sensory needs

• Be mindful of sensory sensitivities when making arrangements—whether it’s the choice of a meeting place, the way information is delivered, or the expectations around social interactions.
• Ensure both home environments cater to their sensory preferences, whether that includes quiet spaces, noise-cancelling headphones, or movement-friendly areas.

Parker Coles Curtis: a trauma-informed family law practice

Our team at Parker Coles Curtis understands that separation is not a one-size-fits-all experience, particularly when neurodivergence is involved. As a trauma-informed practice, we take an empathetic, client-centred approach to support families through these transitions with care and understanding.

If you are navigating separation and want legal guidance that prioritises your child’s well-being, contact us today. Let’s work together to create a supportive, neurodivergent-affirming approach for your family.